This summer I thought I had a pretty good plan. I was determined to make this summer terrific for my kids and grandkids. Two 8 year olds, two 6 year olds and one four year old...and me. I had to have a plan...or a helluva lot of medication.
Tuesday mornings are movie time(only $5 at Harkins per child, and you get the summer movie pass for 10 kids films). Terrific idea, but I have seen almost all the movies. When I took the herd to see "How to Train Your Dragon", I actually nodded off...for like twenty minutes. I was woken up by my own breathing. Apparently I was working up to a snore, but didn't quite make it. The lady in front of me gave me a dirty look...so I did a good open mouth cough and she turned away. Uncouth, I know. Sue me. It is also a huge annoyance to constantly be doling out popcorn and candy. Do these kids think the movie is their last freakin' meal or what? And why the hell are they so thirsty? I didn't realize they were all half camel and prepping for a trek across the desert.
Another part of my plan was to take them swimming as often as I could...but let's get real. I live in Arizona. It is SUMMER and it's HOT. I mean, HOT. So hot makeup melts off your face if you stand in direct sunlight. So hot that my air conditioner being set at 83 all day is a true relief from that shit going on outside. So, any pool that isn't located ten feet from back door is a pool that won't be seeing us. Sorry kids!
The third part of my plan was to enroll them in a summer school program...and that, thank ya Jesus, has worked out beautifully. They may not return to school as geniuses, but at least they won't be complete morons. And for that, I pat myself on the back.
There has been a lot of free time, though...and I thank the nerds who invented the Wii for helping me be able to give the kids something to do that involves very little of me doing something. There are just some days when I want to hide in a closet and cover my head with a pillow while I sip on a bottle of Kahlua. Since that is sort of unacceptable, I have resigned myself to the idea that a little Nintendo never hurt anyone. I have found that watching these guys play Mario Kart and only manage a lap and a half in 15 minutes is mindnumbingly boring but it's a trade-off.
Four of the kids return to school in six days...six days. Oh my God....I just got all tingly with joy! Sure this means getting up early, wrangling everyone into showers and school clothes, shoving breakfast into their pieholes, and getting them to the minivan with backpacks attached. Then a drive to school, where they will argue the entire ride about who is looking at who and someone inevitably begs me to turn down the radio(when will they figure out that I turn it up to drown out the sound of their voices?!). Finally, they will push each other out of the van and I will lock those doors so quick I might break a nail. Adios, monkeys! Let those teachers put up with your crap for a while.
About halfway through the day I will probably get a little sad and miss someone...but then the four year old will draw on a wall or spill his juice on the carpet and all will be right with the world again. What was I thinking? I will end on that note...I am going to Google year round schooling.
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